Play date with Daniel

We were able to meet up with Clare and Daniel for a play date. Clare and Josh purchased their home in Burke over a year ago and have been gutting it out, putting up new walls, and renovating ever since. They were finally able to move in about a month ago. They did a fantastic job, especially given the house's condition before they started. It's impressive to hear them explain all that they did to the house. Clare even broke down a wall herself! They had a vision for what they wanted and they did a really good job--everything from breaking down walls to painting to windows! They only thing I think is original is the outside walls! They are inspirational to say the least, but I have to admit--I don't think John and I have the incredible creativity that they have!


So back to the play date, we were able to have a nice lunch and they boys played a lot. They were both so good. AJ loves Daniel! I can't wait for them to be young boys playing baseball or football outside together! It's great to have such good friends who have a boy around the same age as AJ!


Look at this cute kid. It's amazing how one minute I think he looks exactly like Clare and then the next minute he looks exactly like Josh.





The boys playing together. They both did so well! AJ loved playing with new and exciting toys!






This was in Daniel's room. Even when we were in the other room AJ wanted to keep going back to Daniel's room. I think he really enjoyed himself!





And of course I had to have a picture with Daniel myself :). Notice the painted stripes in the background? Clare's dad did that amazing work--and I love the idea of it! Maybe we will steal the idea when we move AJ into his new room in a few months!

It was so good to see Clare and Daniel (and Josh too for a little bit!). I'm so happy for them and proud of their work! Can't wait for lots more play dates!

My Final Goodbye

Dad,

Yesterday we said goodbye to you, 19 days after you took your own life. I guess we said goodbye to your body, but not your memory. The day was cold and somewhat cloudy.

I still feel angry at you. I guess I will always have some level of anger towards you. I can't help but think why I couldn't have been enough for you not to do it. Or your other 4 beautiful children. Or you two gorgeous grandchildren. What about your 3rd on the way in 6 short months? You had me to call whenever you wished (and you did, I know) and I told you to come visit. Maybe if I just had pushed a little harder...

But one thing I learned yesterday is that we all have our 'what if' thoughts. Your best friend Jim, who has been your best friend through it all, has those thoughts. Reading letters from co-workers, they too had those thoughts. But the truth is no one is to blame and no one could have done anything different. It is all over now and we can only pick up the pieces and move on.

A lot of people were at your funeral. I heard a lot of "oh my goodness, I remember you when you were this high" as they placed their hands to their knees. I wish I would have gotten to know these people better as I got older. They were a part of your life and I didn't remember very many of them. I actually only remembered very few names and stories that were told by you. I wish I would have gotten to know you better. I wish I would have had more time with you.

I thought a lot about our life together yesterday. I have been thinking a lot about it the last 20 days. It has consumed me. We didn't have a perfect relationship. I know looking back on pictures of my first year of life that you just loved me. I was everything to you. I see how happy you are in those photos and it makes me smile. Knowing that I brought so much joy to your life makes me happy. I haven't seen you that happy in a long time. You used to smile showing your perfect teeth back then. I have only seen 2 photos where you were really smiling like that in recent years. One of them was when we danced our father-daughter dance at my wedding almost 5 years ago. I knew that for those few moments you were so happy to be dancing with me. To think, I almost let my immaturity get in the way of us dancing. I was angry with you for a lot of my life. While I always knew that you loved me, I felt abandoned. I felt that you didn't care about us. I hated that you moved so far away. It's all water under the bridge right now. And I'm so thankful that I let the past go in recent years. I am so glad that we have become so close in these last 5 years.

I will try to always remember only the good times. I will remember our visits to Florida and Missouri over the past 20 years. I will remember how we used to snuggle on your recliner until I was almost too big to be able to do so. I will remember how you taught me how to horseback ride. I will remember our multiple Destin trips in recent years--and our pontoon boat adventures. I will remember how on the many work trips to DC we would simply just hang out. On one of those trips in November of 2007, I will remember how you cried when we showed you the ultrasound picture of AJ. I will remember how you met AJ for the first time in St. Louis for your 50th birthday. We stayed up drinking a glass of wine catching up. I will always remember how much you loved John and just thought he was the 'coolest'. And I will remember how, just 6 weeks ago, you cried again when I told you we were expecting again.

You are gone now and it isn't fair. It just isn't fair. They gave you a proper military ceremony yesterday. It was complete with the flag folding, flag presentation, playing of taps, and three rifle volley. It was rough to make it through that. They presented me with the flag. And I will frame it and hang it to always remember you.

Love,

Your daughter Nicole

Christmas, Con'd

I have to say, despite losing my father two short weeks ago, this Christmas has been as close to perfect as it could be. We spent last night at my Mom's. She made a large spread and we talked and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. All at once, Roman got a stomach bug and my camera broke, but it was overall a great night.

Today was just amazing. We told both sets of parents that we were not going anywhere for the day. We wanted to just stay in and let AJ enjoy his new toys. John's family couldn't make it over because they were going over to his step mom's family's house in the afternoon--but my parents came over first thing and stayed until 3pm.

All we had to worry about was food. I made a mostly premade breakfast (french toast casserole and egg bake along with turkey bacon and bisquits). My mom brought over leftovers from last night for the rest of the day. After breakfast and opening up gifts, we all laid down for the rest of the day to watch Christmas movies. Even AJ laid down with us to snuggle (the first thing he said was "Pop-Pop, I want to snuggle") in between playing with toys. The only thing we got up for was food. We made ham, cheese, mustard, and mayo sandwiches using the leftover spiral ham and dinner rolls from last night. We ate yummy pumpkin pie.

After my parents left, AJ, John, and I all took a nap. I just woke up two hours later and John and AJ are actually still sleeping.

It has just been so nice to not have to do ANYTHING. We are always rushing, rushing, rushing. We are always trying to get, do, and be somewhere. And, we are always running late. It's nice to just slow down and be. Nothing to do but eat and play. I always feel like I have to do something at home too, but today just let it be. Our living room is a disaster. Toys, blankets, pillows, and wrapping paper everywhere. Our kitchen isn't quite as bad, but it isn't clean either! It doesn't bother me at all. I'm just enjoying my family today. Everything else can wait, my family can't.

I guess I had a lot to say for a whole lot of nothing! Now, I'm going to get a shower for the first time (better yet, a bath) until my boys wake up. Then it's off to make some more leftovers!

I hope everyone had as fantastic of a day as us! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone! We hope you are all having a fun and safe holiday. We are really enjoying ourselves laying around and playing all day long.

Side note, there will be only cell phone pictures from us this Christmas. Unfortunetly, my Nikon was knocked over on the tripod last night at my Mom's and the lens completely broke. It was my only lens. It happens to be the most expensive portion of the camera too, so it will probably be a while before I am able to get back up and running! Luckily the camera itself was saved, just the lens portion was broken.

AJ was very funny this morning. In the above picture, you can see how he saw his tricycle and then right afterwards was obsessed with it for 30 or so minutes. He wanted Mommy and Daddy to open up presents first! We had to hand him gifts to open, and he made sure to find his name (the plus side to having a two letter name!) first! Such a good boy. Santa was very good to AJ. Our living room is filled with toys all over the place! AJ was even excited to get clothes!

John really outdid himself this year for me. He bought me Louis Vuitton shoes! That isn't it...he made sure to get me some comfortable Nike running shoes--he told me they are good for my pregnant feet :). Lastly, he is treating us both to a night at the Gaylord Resort at National Harbor on January 14th. We have dinner reservations and then breakfast in bed before I get a pre-natal massage. OH, and my parents got us a weekend at a Bed and Breakfast to use anytime this year (we celebrate 5 years of marriage in June!).

I felt like I didn't really do much for him after opening up my gifts. I got him a lot of clothes and I had his game worn, autographed Landry jersey framed. I thought I did him wonders until I opened up my gifts!

But Christmas isn't about gifts, it's about family. My parents and sister came over early this morning to finish watching AJ open up gifts, eat breakfast, and chill out all day. It's fun!

Also, we had flurries this morning! So technically we can call it a white Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Size of a Large Lime?!?!

I can't believe I'm already nearing the end of the first trimester--tomorrow we will be 12 weeks. I guess so much has happened lately and the holidays are amoung us, but wow...time has really flown by.

I was reading that the baby is now the size of a large lime. about 2.5 inches from crown to rump. That is absolutely incredible. Considering that I am not showing at all (just feeling very frumpy right now), I can't believe there is a large lime sized baby inside of me!

Right after New Year's we will be having our first trimester screening. This is a new test offered since AJ was in my belly. They are measuring the neck size primarily and in conjunction with a blood test, they will be able to say if there is a high likelyhood of genetic disorders. If you are at a high risk, then you go for further testing if you so wish. Personally, I would love my child no matter what, but not only do I want to see the baby SO BAD again, but I would like to prepare myself if this is the case.

So that is the first trimester screening. Technically I'll be 13.5 weeks, but I purposely waited until the last minute JUST IN CASE they can tell me with any kind of more then a 50% chance what they think we are having. That region looks very similar at 12 weeks, but the longer you wait, the more likely they can tell you! Of course, the place might refuse to give me a guess, but I have heard of some people recently that got them to guess! I am so impatient this time, I want to know now!

I actually go back and forth between thinking strongly that it is a girl and strongly that it is a boy. Of course my heart aches for a girl, but I also will be so happy and excited to have a little boy. There is nothing like a mother/son bond (I say this as a mother of a boy and not a girl) and plus it will be really great for AJ to have a little brother to pick on. Basically, I will be happy either way...but I just HAVE TO KNOW! I won't be running out to buy blue or pink for the nursery until the 20 week anatomy scan, but still...it will be fun to know now :). Like, right now.

AJ really is going to be such a good big brother. We are going to take him to a sibling class that our hospital offers sometime in May or June. It should be a really fun class, even if it doesn't really teach him anything. I'm not nervous at all about adding to our family--AJ will really adjust well and I am actually really excited for my maternity leave so I can get some time with both of my kids alone. I can't wait.

Otherwise I have been feeling a bit better. I have felt more human recently, which is nice. I actually am having more of a difficult time with the loss of my father recently then two weeks ago when it happened. I don't know if the idea of it is becoming more of a reality or what. Basically, I'm not sleeping well lately. I'm up for three or so hours every night tossing and turning with anxiety. The sleepytime tea I have I can't take because I'm pregnant, so if anyone has any ideas for me, please let me know. I was getting up and drinking some milk and eating a banana, but that isn't working anymore for me.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas in two days. I can't wait until AJ wakes up and we walk downstairs and he sees his presents. It makes me so thankful for everything I have in my life. I have an amazing mother and stepfather, an understanding and loving brother, a cute as a button nephew, and my heart and soul--my rock of a husband and little boy. My aunt Mary and cousin Shannon immediately sent us a fruit arrangement. I am surrounded by so many friends that are there for me. I have had co-workers send me flowers and make us meals. I have had an outpour of sympathy cards and notes. I can't explain how very thankful I am for all of this. This is what life is about--those that love you.

So as we celebrate the life of Jesus this upcoming Saturday, take a minute to take in everyone you are surrounded by and give them a kiss and hug. Tell them you love them. Life is short, but it can be so fulfilling.

First Snow of Winter 2010-2011

BUT it came and went before we had a real chance to play! Mommy and Daddy were at work, AJ was at school. I left early, but that was because my work Christmas party was that evening. On the way home, I went grocery shopping and then picked AJ up around 4 pm. While I unpacked the groceries from the car, AJ liked picking up the snow (without gloves!).

Then we went in the house and spent some time together in the warmth before I had to get ready for the party. John came home, Stephanie came over to babysit.

Then we went back to normal on Friday. And now it's mostly gone--all that is left is the ugly snow. Hopefully next time we will get out and will have some great pictures!

It's time to announce some GOOD NEWS!

John, AJ, and I are proud to announce we are expecting our second child in July! We are so excited and thrilled beyond belief. With recent events, it was hard to get excited, but I think it is important to focus on our new arrival. I was worried lately, but today John and I heard the most beautiful and strong heartbeat--beating away at about 180 bpm. It was a beautiful sound and I teared up.

AJ is really excited. He touches, sing songs, kisses, and hugs my belly. He is going to be such a good big brother. When you ask him where the baby is he says, "it's in mommy's belly button!". He already pulled out the baby bath we were storing and pretends he is going to bath his little sibling. I don't know that he actually gets there will be a real live crying baby here in the house this summer, but he loves the idea of it! Oh, and he thinks it's a 'guuurl'. He even says his sister even though I'm trying to prepare him for both.

My pregnancy with AJ was very easy and uneventful. I was tired in the beginning and in the end had the usual heartburn and aches, but no complaints at all. I was extremely active. He even decided to come ON his due date so he didn't make me get anxious or anything. This baby, however, is giving me a run for my money. I have had all day sickness (whoever called it morning sickness is crazy), extreme exhaustion, extreme hunger, cramps, and headaches. If I eat I get sick, if I didn't eat I passed out. I was a lump on a log until last Friday. Which is was one of the reasons why I was so worried lately. I thought the stress of Thursday and since had caused the baby to go in distress or something. But alas, I welcome all of those symptoms because it means I have a baby growing inside of me!

****TMI WARNING***

I have had quite a scary road this time--as I have had bleeding this pregnancy. The first time it was brown spotting--completely normal. A week later, it was the scary bright red blood they warn you about when miscarrying. It was significant and I thought I lost the baby. After the longest weekend of my life (still with symptoms), I went in Monday and they gave me hope. After numerous blood test, an ultrasound, and a pelvic exam, my midwife concluded that I had a easily irritated cervix. I have bled since then, but both times didn't even see the midwife since she wasn't concerned. It still isn't good to see, but now I feel better about it.

Some things about my pregnancy, thus far:
Due Date: July 8 (we got three due dates, July 4, 6, and 8, but in case we have to be induced, we are calling it the 8th so we have a few extra days)
How far along: First trimester, 10 weeks, 5 days.
Weight Gain: 4 pounds. I was up to 7 pounds at one point, but I lost 3 pounds. I think it's mostly water weight and these new big mounds I'm trying to hold up. I am hoping for a max of 25. I gained 47 total with AJ and increased two dress sizes. It took me a long time to get my body in the shape it is in now and I don't want to go through that again. I'm 13% body fat and my trainer would like me to maintain or even gain a little bit of fat and encourages me to eat a lot, even carbs! He loves to tell our class I'm the only one that is allowed to gain weight!
Baby bump: NON EXISTANT! I have no bump at all. I get bloated at night, but that is normal. I am still wearing all of my clothes and not even with a belly band or anything yet. I hope to wear my 'bigger' pants before my weight loss last year for quite some time and then switch over to the dreaded pregnancy pants late in the third trimester. We will see!
Doctor and Hospital Change: I went from a female OB at Reston Hospital to a midwife at Loudoun Hospital. I loved my previous doctor but am really happy and excited about being with a midwife. Oh, and dare I mention the labor (not birthing) tubs at the hospital?
Cravings: Eggs, salads, and carbs. Lots and lots of carbs.
Exercise: With my midwives blessing, I am allowed to run and lift weights as usual. I will have to avoid anything on my back, but can even continue with core until delivery. I'm still working out with my trainer, but I'm no longer running. It has been hard to squeeze running into my days due to the exhaustion and the really cold weather, but I hope to fit light jogging or walking into my routine soon, even in the cold. I feel better on the days I work out, which gives me the momentum to keep it up. My trainer is very cautious. He has me doing most things with some modifications. I had to get a heart rate monitor and he wants me to keep it under 140 bpm. I have a low resting heart rate (60 or so), so I haven't had any issues going over 140.
Symptoms: As mentioned, until last Friday I had sickness, headaches, extreme exhaustion, and extreme hunger. As of today, I really only still have the hunger and a little bit of exhaustion.
Coffee: I have FINALLY successfully cut coffee out of my diet completely. This includes tea as well. I don't ever drink soda (I don't like it) and really only drink water. I have had a love affair with coffee. I have quit so many times it's funny. I still drank it with AJ, but was determined to cut it out this time. Coffee actually makes me sick and the few sips I had a while ago gave me the worst heartburn.
Dessert: With AJ I craved SWEETS. I used to make John take me to Sweetwater for their flourless chocolate waffle. This time around I am not craving sweets yet. I actually get sick and heartburn from it, especially chocolate. I have indulged lately though, as we have tons and tons of gift baskets delivered at work this time of year and I get hungry.
Sleep: I'm actually sleeping very well so far. I get up to pee, and fall right back to sleep (knock on wood). With the exception of election week (not election related--but sciatica related), I have been getting 10-12 hours of sleep a night! I go to bed either right before or right when AJ is going to bed (usually) and wake up when he wakes up. I'm starting to sleep less now, but that is ok.
What I miss: Nothing really, except when we went to the ICE show a few weeks ago, I did wish I could have ice skated, but didn't feel comfortable since I fall without being pregnant!
Odd things: I love to measure how much water I'm drinking. People at work make in fun of me because I have a gallon of water I drink every day and I let the massive jug sit right in my desk. I also really enjoy solitaire more then ever now. It's almost necessary in my day. Oh, I'm -$3900 because I have it on the hardest setting (fake money of course!).
Announcing the news: Aside from this blog, we have told most everyone in our lives. I announced to my extended Nelson family on Thanksgiving (like I did with AJ). John told his family without me because I was sick. We are mailing his aunts a card announcing #2. I told my dad and his family over the phone.
What I'm looking forward to: The kicks! I miss the kicks with AJ still to this day! I also look forward to my baby bump! I love pregnant bellies.

So there is our good news! I also got a promotion at work (great news #2!) that requires me to go into the office 5 days a week now, but it is a really great opportunity.

Thanks for sharing in our great news! I look forward to bragging about our journey these next few months!

My thoughts

I find that talking really helps me in difficult times. This is my blog and I try to make it as truthful as I can. Although I'm not ready to talk about everything, I'm ready to start. My father took his own life, that is how he died. I can't even express the amount of anger and hurt I am feeling right now. I go from one extreme to the other from one minute to the next. Some moments I hate him so much that I don't want to even think about him. The next minute I'm crying thinking about how I will never ever receive another phone call from him or see him and hug him. Then I go back to hating him because HE did this to me. He didn't suddenly die of a heart attack. He didn't have a long battle with cancer. HE killed himself.

Over 4 years ago, shortly after John and I got married, we lost John's mother to cancer. She battled for years and years before it finally took her life. Seeing her die and the long road leading up to it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Seeing my new husband lose his mother was one of the hartest things I have ever seen. She wanted to live. She wanted to meet her future grandchildren and live a long and prosperous life. She would have given anything to live. She told me once how when John was in high school she just wanted to see him graduate. Then when she made it to his graduation, she just wanted to make it to his wedding. Then when she made it to his wedding years after his graduation, she just wanted to meet her grandchildren. Two months after we got married, she passed away. She was 52.

I think about my mother in law and how badly she wanted to meet her grandchildren. WHY DIDN'T MY DAD CARE ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW HIS GRANDCHILDREN? He has three young kids, two adult kids, and two beautiful grandboys. Couldn't we have kept him alive? We all loved him so much.

I know people keep telling me that he was in a bad place and he loved all of us and he is in peace now. I guess that brings me to my other thoughts that haunts me--what his final moments were probably like and what he probably looks like now. I know, I know, I can't think about this--but I really can't help it. I need to think about it. I need to disect his brain and his thoughts so I can try to understand what the heck was going on in that busy brain of his.

He was a very brilliant man. He was starting to go back to school for his doctorate. He knew more about things then anyone else I have ever met. And now, that brilliant brain is just wasted.

I am having a really hard time celebrating this time of year. We decorated today and I forced myself to decorate. What is keeping me going is AJ. I need to keep things as normal as possible for him right now. And, I need to celebrate Christmas for HIM. He is everything to me and I must make this right for him.

As you can probably tell, I'm in one of my anger moods. Hopefully I can type some thoughts out in my less angry moods later.

Thank you again for your support. I am surrounded by so many people that love me and my family and I would be nothing without each and every one of you.

An Update

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support and love. It was a sudden loss and we are all incredibly heartbroken. Our faith will get us through this trying time, I know it will.

No plans for the funeral as of yet. My dad lives in Missouri and the plan as of yesterday was to bring him home to PA, where his family is.

This has been a tough year losing my grandfather, my grandmother, and now my dad. Thank you to everyone again.

.....

My dad, AJ's grandfather, died today. I don't want to talk about it and I don't know what to do. This morning I was happy and now...completely the opposite. :(

Something is wrong with my nose!

Well, it's cold and flu season. Last week I had a pretty nasty cold that took out my voice (John had a great time making in fun of me). Now it's starting to hit AJ. He has been a little cranky and not eating much the last few days. Last night he woke up in the middle of the night upset so I went in to see what was wrong. He said, "I need to blow my nose!!". So we blew his nose. But instead of the usual one time blow and the nose is better, his nose was a faucet that wouldn't turn off! AJ was getting increasingly frustrated until he said, "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY NOSE!". I had to laugh and tell him he was getting sick and a runny nose was a normal part of a cold.

The kid has me cracking up all of the time. I love him.

Chicken Parm

My parents are so awesome. I have not been feeling well, so dinner has been a struggle recently for us--and clean eating goes out the window when mommy isn't feeling good. My mom made us her famous Chicken Parm (and even brought us Angel Hair Pasta!) and Jose made the long drive to and from our house yesterday to hand deliver it. All I had to do was pop it in the oven and boil the noodles and by the time John got home from work it was ready!

It was so yummy. John made the comment that he was going to eat the rest of it last night before bed. I made sure to pack AJ and I some of it for lunch today. Luckily, the food put John into a food coma so he fell asleep before he could enjoy himself some more--so there is more to enjoy.

They also brought us over pre-prepared Market Day chicken and broccoli--so dinner is pretty much made already tonight too! Oh, and did I mention that the Mooney-Daniel clan is coming into town this weekend, so that means we will be eating at Mom's pretty much all weekend! Mom's cooking is the best--I could get used to this!

Uncle David's Hospital Stay

****NOTE--if you make it to the end, I PROMISE THAT THERE WILL BE SOME GREAT EMBARRASSING PICTURES!!!!****

***DISCLAIMER: David gave me full permission to post these pictures, what a good sport :)***

Uncle David has had a slew of things happen to him in his lifetime. As his sister, I know this all too well. One time when I was babysitting him (I guess I wasn't doing a good job), he was outside and was playing with a saw. He happened to saw his hand and came running into the house bleeding a ton! He was calm, cool, and collected and I was a basket case trying to reach our parents (this is before cell phones!).

Another time he had some knee pain and upon an Xray scan, they found a NAIL in his knee. I mean who does that happen to? What else...let's see...he has broken just about every bone, even being pushed once in elementary school into a chalk board, breaking his ribs.

On my 21st birthday (yes, David, I'm still talking about this--but at least I had family in town to spend it with!), he had a major surgery to remove a tumor in his brain. Quick side note, after the 16 hour surgery, he woke up and the first thing he said, in a very loopy tone of voice, was "Happy Birthday Niki". Brought tears to my eyes immediately!

Years later, when I was on maternity leave, he had major back surgery requiring him to be on leave from work for weeks and weeks.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, he had shoulder surgery to repair an injury sustained playing old man baseball. THEN the following week, he was hospitalized for 4 days to monitor what they are calling "silent seizures". David is ok, but they were seeing if he would have an incident in the hospital so they would know how to treat it (dont' think that he had one though). SOOO...being his older sister, I get to post the pictures of him in his silly helmet! Of course I HAVE to take the opportunity to make in fun of him. Growing up, I sure did take full advantage of being the older sister. I called him 'retarded' all.of.the.time and of course, the first thing I said to my mom when I had these pictures was, "SEE...I WAS RIGHT!". Sigh, I crack myself up.

David pre-helmet (sorry, pictures are not great--taken on my cell phone with crappy hospital light). This is what he had to wear on his head for 4 days straight, no matter what he was doing!

Now..David WITH the helmet. He was quite a rebel and refused to wear this (except for pictures). The nurse said that if he got out of bed, he HAD to wear it. The reason was because they have patients that have severe seizures, and if he got up to go to the bathroom and had one, he could really hurt himself. Since David's are 'silent', he really isn't in any danger for this...so he refused. Finally he got the doctor to tell the nurses to get off of his case. Anyway, enjoy the photo!

Notice how he has a sling for his shoulder? That was because he was still recovering from surgery when he was in the hospital!

David, my little glassman brother--no matter how much we would hurt each other or say mean things (YOU'RE--YOU'RE---YOUUUU'RRREE UUUGGLLYY!), we always were there for each other. I am so glad that we are so close and that Roman and AJ are so close. I love you and hope that you get better soon!