Thoughts

I try to stay busy so my thoughts don't get the best of me. Although so incredible busy today and yesterday (with work of course), I still have had plenty of time to think about my grandfather's passing.

I thought about how at my high school graduation he pulled me aside and said "promise me in 4 years I will be attending your college graduation". He wanted me to graduate so badly from college--and it brought him so much pride to see me walk across that stage to receive my diploma. While in school I often had many moments where I just wanted to give up. But I always thought about what he said and it would motivate me to get through it.

He would never forget a birthday or a holiday (Ok, I admit it--it was probably Grandma Marie, but I know it was him too!). Every holiday I looked forward to Valentines Day, Easter, Christmas, any holiday to opening up my grandparents confetti filled cards. I would let the confetti fall to the ground because it was so pretty! One year my mom had us all collect the confetti they had sent us all and we sent my Grandma a card filled with all of the collected confetti. I'm sure it put a smile on both of their faces.

I thought about how I was CONVINCED my grandfather was Santa Clause. Think of it--your grandfather being THE Santa Clause. I admit there is a part of me that still thought of him as Santa Clause in recent years. Until he lost weight, he had the big belly, the round face, the rosy cheeks and the long beard! His house was always decorated so beautiful for Christmas and his gifts were always SO AWESOME. When my mom told me that Santa must have forgotten the Easy Bake Oven I wanted, later that afternoon when we went to visit "Pop Pop Gloses", he had the Easy Bake Oven I SO WANTED! This happened every year until I found out that "Santa wasn't real". Yeah right. Santa was real, he was my grandfather! Maybe that is why I was the last to find out in my 6th grade class that Santa wasn't real (this is after my teacher told me it was made up!).

I thought about how he was ALWAYS there for me. Grandma Marie and Grandpa would never miss a beat--there for all of the important events, despite having to travel. Dance recitals, graduation, you name it and they were there. They loved us so much and we could never do wrong in their eyes.

I thought about my grandmother--still alive and alone in that house they built together. When they first moved in to the 55 and over community, John and I went to visit the very beautiful home and my grandparents took us on a tour. I'm still impressed with the spice rack he installed (so organized and easy!) and the electronic blinds in the bathroom. My grandfather did so much to that house--he even installed the Chandalier in the foyer! He was proud of accomplishments. Anyway, my grandmother.....it seems to be a common theme with the woman in my life. Coming from divorced parents, one of whom has divorced parents, I have a lot of grandparents. My grandmothers have vastly outlived my grandfathers. Alone and missing their loved ones. I hope for my grandmother that she goes on to find something that will make her happy. It's terrible to lose your best friend, lover and husband.

I thought about the house my grandfather had (until the most recent house)--the house my father grew up in. A few years ago, before my grandfather sold the house, my father and I visited his house. He showed me the room he grew up in and the paintings in his closet--still there after all those years. How amazing to have memories like that. I remember the pool they had in their backyard and how AMAZING of a griller my grandfather is. I still think about how particular he was with grilling and how I break those rules every time I fire up our electric grill. Oh how amazing those pork chops were that he would grill in the summer time! I can still smell the grill while I would be running around in my bathing suit.

I could go on and on about the great and wonderful memories I have had with him. I hope that I have the courage to speak at his funeral and share these thoughts with the rest of those that loved him. Grandpa--you will be missed. Truely, truely missed. I cry because I am happy for you--to be in a better place. I cry because I will miss you so very much. I cry because I didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye and I wish I had. But know that I will cherish these memories for the rest of my life. You have inspired me and have always been there for me, and for that, I am so thankful. So I raise my glass and cheers to you--always in my heart. I love you.