Happy New Years!

Happy, Happy 2011 to everyone! Cheers to a fantastic 2011!

It's no secret that in this past year we have had incredible tragedy. We lost two special people this year, Grandma Nelson and my Dad. My mom and I both lost a parent this year. While we will continue to miss them terribly, my mom said it perfectly-- "let's be thankful for what we DO have and not for what we don't." So I decided to remind myself of how wonderful 2010 was for us as a family. I was reading back through blogs from this past year and it was, indeed, an overall great year.

I am really thankful for so much. My family and our health for one. If one thing has inspired my own mother, it was the loss of my dad. Realizing life is too short, she actually scheduled herself a doctor's appointment (if you know my mom, that is something she scarcely does because it's very time consuming!). Thank goodness she is healthy and let's pray she continues to put herself first sometimes. In addition, John and I are very lucky that despite this economy, we have both managed to stay employed. John even switched jobs midway through the year and we both are making more money.

Looking back, we had some really wonderful times. To start the year off, my best friend gave birth to a beautiful little girl, McKenna. My nephew turned 1 a few weeks later. We were lucky to be surrounded by family and friends to celebrate.

February brought on a much needed vacation to the warm country of Jamaica, after one of the biggest blizzards of our lifetime. That was a very memorable family vacation and AJ discovered his love for Sesame Street.

March came and it was soon my birthday, where I was able to celebrate with my husband and baby boy. John had surgery, but he came out healthy! Late in the month, my best friend Clare gave birth to a beautiful little boy, Daniel.

April came and brought on spring, it's always nice to ditch the coat.

April and May were hard months with my grandmother's stroke. AJ turned 2 on May 30th and we celebrated with a fantastic birthday party.

June was another tough month, as we lost my fabulous Grandmother. We had a wonderful celebration of life and I know that she is finally with her soul mate in Heaven. John and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary and we were lucky enough to eat at DC's #1 restaurant, Komi.

July brought on the best weather yet--HOT! We celebrated 4th of July in PA. Little did we know that we would be either parents of 2 or very close to it the next time this holiday rolled around!

August was exciting with a Pocono trip the first week and Daddy's birthday later on in the month along with a day trip to the beach.

September brought on my 9/11, apple picking, apply cooking, and lots of apple eating! Daddy and Mommy took their first vacation away from AJ when we visited my best friend Maggie in LA.

October was a very exciting month with a trip to PA to celebrate Leah's 2nd birthday, visit to the Renn fest, picnics with Grandma, and Pumpkin Picking! We concluded the month with a very successful Halloween and finding out we were expecting an addition to our family!

November was a great month--with AJ meeting Santa once again (and loving it this time!) and a very Thankful Thanksgiving in Philly. We announced we were expecting to our family and I was given a promotion.

December was one of the hardest months of my entire life...but there was a lot of good. Christmas brought on so much happiness to our family. It was nice to celebrate Jesus's birth with the ones we love. Then last night we rung in the New Year together as a family with our friends Clare, Josh, Kevin, and Suzanne. We had a really great time playing taboo and watching the ball drop. They say how you ring in the new year has a lot to do with how your year will pan out. I must say, if that is true, we will have a very wonderful year in 2011.

I have learned so much this year. I grew up a lot. Life is always going to give us curve balls and every year, no matter how hard we try, something is going to try to bring you down. It seems as though you learn the most when life throws you curve balls. It's not what you did or what happened, it's how you come out of it that makes you successful in life. It's hard to focus only on what is going on at that very moment. It's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when you are going through a hard time. But, what is important is to reflect on what you have and to focus on the positive. That is my New Years resolution every year from here on out. FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS. As the great personal trainer and former Redskin Eddie Mason says, "GET YO MIND RIGHT!", which is actually adapted from the greatest book ever written, the Bible, into his own words of course

Now on to looking ahead to this year. I'm sure this year is going to give us it's share of challenges. Some are unknown, but some are very well known. I have a lot to sort through still with my dad. I know that it will challenge me as a person in ways I can't even know. I'm fully expecting to not sleep the last half of the year, which I'm sure is going to be very trying on all of us. I also know that I'm going to struggle going back to work after maternity leave. When I had AJ, I didn't have to go back into the office full time and now I do this time! Not only trying to get out of the house with two children, but also leaving my precious little fragile new baby to another is going to be really hard. BUT--challenges are created to overcome. WE ARE ADDING TO OUR FAMILY! We are going to have a beautiful new baby in our life. AJ is going to become a brother for the first time! I will have three whole months without work to spend entirely with my two beautiful children. I'm really looking forward to that precious time and I am going to soak in every single moment this year has to offer--be it good or bad.

In conclusion, I hope everyone had a wonderful 2010 and an even better 2011! Thank you to everyone in our family's life--we appreciate and love you all.

Play date with Daniel

We were able to meet up with Clare and Daniel for a play date. Clare and Josh purchased their home in Burke over a year ago and have been gutting it out, putting up new walls, and renovating ever since. They were finally able to move in about a month ago. They did a fantastic job, especially given the house's condition before they started. It's impressive to hear them explain all that they did to the house. Clare even broke down a wall herself! They had a vision for what they wanted and they did a really good job--everything from breaking down walls to painting to windows! They only thing I think is original is the outside walls! They are inspirational to say the least, but I have to admit--I don't think John and I have the incredible creativity that they have!


So back to the play date, we were able to have a nice lunch and they boys played a lot. They were both so good. AJ loves Daniel! I can't wait for them to be young boys playing baseball or football outside together! It's great to have such good friends who have a boy around the same age as AJ!


Look at this cute kid. It's amazing how one minute I think he looks exactly like Clare and then the next minute he looks exactly like Josh.





The boys playing together. They both did so well! AJ loved playing with new and exciting toys!






This was in Daniel's room. Even when we were in the other room AJ wanted to keep going back to Daniel's room. I think he really enjoyed himself!





And of course I had to have a picture with Daniel myself :). Notice the painted stripes in the background? Clare's dad did that amazing work--and I love the idea of it! Maybe we will steal the idea when we move AJ into his new room in a few months!

It was so good to see Clare and Daniel (and Josh too for a little bit!). I'm so happy for them and proud of their work! Can't wait for lots more play dates!

My Final Goodbye

Dad,

Yesterday we said goodbye to you, 19 days after you took your own life. I guess we said goodbye to your body, but not your memory. The day was cold and somewhat cloudy.

I still feel angry at you. I guess I will always have some level of anger towards you. I can't help but think why I couldn't have been enough for you not to do it. Or your other 4 beautiful children. Or you two gorgeous grandchildren. What about your 3rd on the way in 6 short months? You had me to call whenever you wished (and you did, I know) and I told you to come visit. Maybe if I just had pushed a little harder...

But one thing I learned yesterday is that we all have our 'what if' thoughts. Your best friend Jim, who has been your best friend through it all, has those thoughts. Reading letters from co-workers, they too had those thoughts. But the truth is no one is to blame and no one could have done anything different. It is all over now and we can only pick up the pieces and move on.

A lot of people were at your funeral. I heard a lot of "oh my goodness, I remember you when you were this high" as they placed their hands to their knees. I wish I would have gotten to know these people better as I got older. They were a part of your life and I didn't remember very many of them. I actually only remembered very few names and stories that were told by you. I wish I would have gotten to know you better. I wish I would have had more time with you.

I thought a lot about our life together yesterday. I have been thinking a lot about it the last 20 days. It has consumed me. We didn't have a perfect relationship. I know looking back on pictures of my first year of life that you just loved me. I was everything to you. I see how happy you are in those photos and it makes me smile. Knowing that I brought so much joy to your life makes me happy. I haven't seen you that happy in a long time. You used to smile showing your perfect teeth back then. I have only seen 2 photos where you were really smiling like that in recent years. One of them was when we danced our father-daughter dance at my wedding almost 5 years ago. I knew that for those few moments you were so happy to be dancing with me. To think, I almost let my immaturity get in the way of us dancing. I was angry with you for a lot of my life. While I always knew that you loved me, I felt abandoned. I felt that you didn't care about us. I hated that you moved so far away. It's all water under the bridge right now. And I'm so thankful that I let the past go in recent years. I am so glad that we have become so close in these last 5 years.

I will try to always remember only the good times. I will remember our visits to Florida and Missouri over the past 20 years. I will remember how we used to snuggle on your recliner until I was almost too big to be able to do so. I will remember how you taught me how to horseback ride. I will remember our multiple Destin trips in recent years--and our pontoon boat adventures. I will remember how on the many work trips to DC we would simply just hang out. On one of those trips in November of 2007, I will remember how you cried when we showed you the ultrasound picture of AJ. I will remember how you met AJ for the first time in St. Louis for your 50th birthday. We stayed up drinking a glass of wine catching up. I will always remember how much you loved John and just thought he was the 'coolest'. And I will remember how, just 6 weeks ago, you cried again when I told you we were expecting again.

You are gone now and it isn't fair. It just isn't fair. They gave you a proper military ceremony yesterday. It was complete with the flag folding, flag presentation, playing of taps, and three rifle volley. It was rough to make it through that. They presented me with the flag. And I will frame it and hang it to always remember you.

Love,

Your daughter Nicole

Christmas, Con'd

I have to say, despite losing my father two short weeks ago, this Christmas has been as close to perfect as it could be. We spent last night at my Mom's. She made a large spread and we talked and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. All at once, Roman got a stomach bug and my camera broke, but it was overall a great night.

Today was just amazing. We told both sets of parents that we were not going anywhere for the day. We wanted to just stay in and let AJ enjoy his new toys. John's family couldn't make it over because they were going over to his step mom's family's house in the afternoon--but my parents came over first thing and stayed until 3pm.

All we had to worry about was food. I made a mostly premade breakfast (french toast casserole and egg bake along with turkey bacon and bisquits). My mom brought over leftovers from last night for the rest of the day. After breakfast and opening up gifts, we all laid down for the rest of the day to watch Christmas movies. Even AJ laid down with us to snuggle (the first thing he said was "Pop-Pop, I want to snuggle") in between playing with toys. The only thing we got up for was food. We made ham, cheese, mustard, and mayo sandwiches using the leftover spiral ham and dinner rolls from last night. We ate yummy pumpkin pie.

After my parents left, AJ, John, and I all took a nap. I just woke up two hours later and John and AJ are actually still sleeping.

It has just been so nice to not have to do ANYTHING. We are always rushing, rushing, rushing. We are always trying to get, do, and be somewhere. And, we are always running late. It's nice to just slow down and be. Nothing to do but eat and play. I always feel like I have to do something at home too, but today just let it be. Our living room is a disaster. Toys, blankets, pillows, and wrapping paper everywhere. Our kitchen isn't quite as bad, but it isn't clean either! It doesn't bother me at all. I'm just enjoying my family today. Everything else can wait, my family can't.

I guess I had a lot to say for a whole lot of nothing! Now, I'm going to get a shower for the first time (better yet, a bath) until my boys wake up. Then it's off to make some more leftovers!

I hope everyone had as fantastic of a day as us! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone! We hope you are all having a fun and safe holiday. We are really enjoying ourselves laying around and playing all day long.

Side note, there will be only cell phone pictures from us this Christmas. Unfortunetly, my Nikon was knocked over on the tripod last night at my Mom's and the lens completely broke. It was my only lens. It happens to be the most expensive portion of the camera too, so it will probably be a while before I am able to get back up and running! Luckily the camera itself was saved, just the lens portion was broken.

AJ was very funny this morning. In the above picture, you can see how he saw his tricycle and then right afterwards was obsessed with it for 30 or so minutes. He wanted Mommy and Daddy to open up presents first! We had to hand him gifts to open, and he made sure to find his name (the plus side to having a two letter name!) first! Such a good boy. Santa was very good to AJ. Our living room is filled with toys all over the place! AJ was even excited to get clothes!

John really outdid himself this year for me. He bought me Louis Vuitton shoes! That isn't it...he made sure to get me some comfortable Nike running shoes--he told me they are good for my pregnant feet :). Lastly, he is treating us both to a night at the Gaylord Resort at National Harbor on January 14th. We have dinner reservations and then breakfast in bed before I get a pre-natal massage. OH, and my parents got us a weekend at a Bed and Breakfast to use anytime this year (we celebrate 5 years of marriage in June!).

I felt like I didn't really do much for him after opening up my gifts. I got him a lot of clothes and I had his game worn, autographed Landry jersey framed. I thought I did him wonders until I opened up my gifts!

But Christmas isn't about gifts, it's about family. My parents and sister came over early this morning to finish watching AJ open up gifts, eat breakfast, and chill out all day. It's fun!

Also, we had flurries this morning! So technically we can call it a white Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Size of a Large Lime?!?!

I can't believe I'm already nearing the end of the first trimester--tomorrow we will be 12 weeks. I guess so much has happened lately and the holidays are amoung us, but wow...time has really flown by.

I was reading that the baby is now the size of a large lime. about 2.5 inches from crown to rump. That is absolutely incredible. Considering that I am not showing at all (just feeling very frumpy right now), I can't believe there is a large lime sized baby inside of me!

Right after New Year's we will be having our first trimester screening. This is a new test offered since AJ was in my belly. They are measuring the neck size primarily and in conjunction with a blood test, they will be able to say if there is a high likelyhood of genetic disorders. If you are at a high risk, then you go for further testing if you so wish. Personally, I would love my child no matter what, but not only do I want to see the baby SO BAD again, but I would like to prepare myself if this is the case.

So that is the first trimester screening. Technically I'll be 13.5 weeks, but I purposely waited until the last minute JUST IN CASE they can tell me with any kind of more then a 50% chance what they think we are having. That region looks very similar at 12 weeks, but the longer you wait, the more likely they can tell you! Of course, the place might refuse to give me a guess, but I have heard of some people recently that got them to guess! I am so impatient this time, I want to know now!

I actually go back and forth between thinking strongly that it is a girl and strongly that it is a boy. Of course my heart aches for a girl, but I also will be so happy and excited to have a little boy. There is nothing like a mother/son bond (I say this as a mother of a boy and not a girl) and plus it will be really great for AJ to have a little brother to pick on. Basically, I will be happy either way...but I just HAVE TO KNOW! I won't be running out to buy blue or pink for the nursery until the 20 week anatomy scan, but still...it will be fun to know now :). Like, right now.

AJ really is going to be such a good big brother. We are going to take him to a sibling class that our hospital offers sometime in May or June. It should be a really fun class, even if it doesn't really teach him anything. I'm not nervous at all about adding to our family--AJ will really adjust well and I am actually really excited for my maternity leave so I can get some time with both of my kids alone. I can't wait.

Otherwise I have been feeling a bit better. I have felt more human recently, which is nice. I actually am having more of a difficult time with the loss of my father recently then two weeks ago when it happened. I don't know if the idea of it is becoming more of a reality or what. Basically, I'm not sleeping well lately. I'm up for three or so hours every night tossing and turning with anxiety. The sleepytime tea I have I can't take because I'm pregnant, so if anyone has any ideas for me, please let me know. I was getting up and drinking some milk and eating a banana, but that isn't working anymore for me.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas in two days. I can't wait until AJ wakes up and we walk downstairs and he sees his presents. It makes me so thankful for everything I have in my life. I have an amazing mother and stepfather, an understanding and loving brother, a cute as a button nephew, and my heart and soul--my rock of a husband and little boy. My aunt Mary and cousin Shannon immediately sent us a fruit arrangement. I am surrounded by so many friends that are there for me. I have had co-workers send me flowers and make us meals. I have had an outpour of sympathy cards and notes. I can't explain how very thankful I am for all of this. This is what life is about--those that love you.

So as we celebrate the life of Jesus this upcoming Saturday, take a minute to take in everyone you are surrounded by and give them a kiss and hug. Tell them you love them. Life is short, but it can be so fulfilling.

First Snow of Winter 2010-2011

BUT it came and went before we had a real chance to play! Mommy and Daddy were at work, AJ was at school. I left early, but that was because my work Christmas party was that evening. On the way home, I went grocery shopping and then picked AJ up around 4 pm. While I unpacked the groceries from the car, AJ liked picking up the snow (without gloves!).

Then we went in the house and spent some time together in the warmth before I had to get ready for the party. John came home, Stephanie came over to babysit.

Then we went back to normal on Friday. And now it's mostly gone--all that is left is the ugly snow. Hopefully next time we will get out and will have some great pictures!