It's time to announce some GOOD NEWS!

John, AJ, and I are proud to announce we are expecting our second child in July! We are so excited and thrilled beyond belief. With recent events, it was hard to get excited, but I think it is important to focus on our new arrival. I was worried lately, but today John and I heard the most beautiful and strong heartbeat--beating away at about 180 bpm. It was a beautiful sound and I teared up.

AJ is really excited. He touches, sing songs, kisses, and hugs my belly. He is going to be such a good big brother. When you ask him where the baby is he says, "it's in mommy's belly button!". He already pulled out the baby bath we were storing and pretends he is going to bath his little sibling. I don't know that he actually gets there will be a real live crying baby here in the house this summer, but he loves the idea of it! Oh, and he thinks it's a 'guuurl'. He even says his sister even though I'm trying to prepare him for both.

My pregnancy with AJ was very easy and uneventful. I was tired in the beginning and in the end had the usual heartburn and aches, but no complaints at all. I was extremely active. He even decided to come ON his due date so he didn't make me get anxious or anything. This baby, however, is giving me a run for my money. I have had all day sickness (whoever called it morning sickness is crazy), extreme exhaustion, extreme hunger, cramps, and headaches. If I eat I get sick, if I didn't eat I passed out. I was a lump on a log until last Friday. Which is was one of the reasons why I was so worried lately. I thought the stress of Thursday and since had caused the baby to go in distress or something. But alas, I welcome all of those symptoms because it means I have a baby growing inside of me!

****TMI WARNING***

I have had quite a scary road this time--as I have had bleeding this pregnancy. The first time it was brown spotting--completely normal. A week later, it was the scary bright red blood they warn you about when miscarrying. It was significant and I thought I lost the baby. After the longest weekend of my life (still with symptoms), I went in Monday and they gave me hope. After numerous blood test, an ultrasound, and a pelvic exam, my midwife concluded that I had a easily irritated cervix. I have bled since then, but both times didn't even see the midwife since she wasn't concerned. It still isn't good to see, but now I feel better about it.

Some things about my pregnancy, thus far:
Due Date: July 8 (we got three due dates, July 4, 6, and 8, but in case we have to be induced, we are calling it the 8th so we have a few extra days)
How far along: First trimester, 10 weeks, 5 days.
Weight Gain: 4 pounds. I was up to 7 pounds at one point, but I lost 3 pounds. I think it's mostly water weight and these new big mounds I'm trying to hold up. I am hoping for a max of 25. I gained 47 total with AJ and increased two dress sizes. It took me a long time to get my body in the shape it is in now and I don't want to go through that again. I'm 13% body fat and my trainer would like me to maintain or even gain a little bit of fat and encourages me to eat a lot, even carbs! He loves to tell our class I'm the only one that is allowed to gain weight!
Baby bump: NON EXISTANT! I have no bump at all. I get bloated at night, but that is normal. I am still wearing all of my clothes and not even with a belly band or anything yet. I hope to wear my 'bigger' pants before my weight loss last year for quite some time and then switch over to the dreaded pregnancy pants late in the third trimester. We will see!
Doctor and Hospital Change: I went from a female OB at Reston Hospital to a midwife at Loudoun Hospital. I loved my previous doctor but am really happy and excited about being with a midwife. Oh, and dare I mention the labor (not birthing) tubs at the hospital?
Cravings: Eggs, salads, and carbs. Lots and lots of carbs.
Exercise: With my midwives blessing, I am allowed to run and lift weights as usual. I will have to avoid anything on my back, but can even continue with core until delivery. I'm still working out with my trainer, but I'm no longer running. It has been hard to squeeze running into my days due to the exhaustion and the really cold weather, but I hope to fit light jogging or walking into my routine soon, even in the cold. I feel better on the days I work out, which gives me the momentum to keep it up. My trainer is very cautious. He has me doing most things with some modifications. I had to get a heart rate monitor and he wants me to keep it under 140 bpm. I have a low resting heart rate (60 or so), so I haven't had any issues going over 140.
Symptoms: As mentioned, until last Friday I had sickness, headaches, extreme exhaustion, and extreme hunger. As of today, I really only still have the hunger and a little bit of exhaustion.
Coffee: I have FINALLY successfully cut coffee out of my diet completely. This includes tea as well. I don't ever drink soda (I don't like it) and really only drink water. I have had a love affair with coffee. I have quit so many times it's funny. I still drank it with AJ, but was determined to cut it out this time. Coffee actually makes me sick and the few sips I had a while ago gave me the worst heartburn.
Dessert: With AJ I craved SWEETS. I used to make John take me to Sweetwater for their flourless chocolate waffle. This time around I am not craving sweets yet. I actually get sick and heartburn from it, especially chocolate. I have indulged lately though, as we have tons and tons of gift baskets delivered at work this time of year and I get hungry.
Sleep: I'm actually sleeping very well so far. I get up to pee, and fall right back to sleep (knock on wood). With the exception of election week (not election related--but sciatica related), I have been getting 10-12 hours of sleep a night! I go to bed either right before or right when AJ is going to bed (usually) and wake up when he wakes up. I'm starting to sleep less now, but that is ok.
What I miss: Nothing really, except when we went to the ICE show a few weeks ago, I did wish I could have ice skated, but didn't feel comfortable since I fall without being pregnant!
Odd things: I love to measure how much water I'm drinking. People at work make in fun of me because I have a gallon of water I drink every day and I let the massive jug sit right in my desk. I also really enjoy solitaire more then ever now. It's almost necessary in my day. Oh, I'm -$3900 because I have it on the hardest setting (fake money of course!).
Announcing the news: Aside from this blog, we have told most everyone in our lives. I announced to my extended Nelson family on Thanksgiving (like I did with AJ). John told his family without me because I was sick. We are mailing his aunts a card announcing #2. I told my dad and his family over the phone.
What I'm looking forward to: The kicks! I miss the kicks with AJ still to this day! I also look forward to my baby bump! I love pregnant bellies.

So there is our good news! I also got a promotion at work (great news #2!) that requires me to go into the office 5 days a week now, but it is a really great opportunity.

Thanks for sharing in our great news! I look forward to bragging about our journey these next few months!

My thoughts

I find that talking really helps me in difficult times. This is my blog and I try to make it as truthful as I can. Although I'm not ready to talk about everything, I'm ready to start. My father took his own life, that is how he died. I can't even express the amount of anger and hurt I am feeling right now. I go from one extreme to the other from one minute to the next. Some moments I hate him so much that I don't want to even think about him. The next minute I'm crying thinking about how I will never ever receive another phone call from him or see him and hug him. Then I go back to hating him because HE did this to me. He didn't suddenly die of a heart attack. He didn't have a long battle with cancer. HE killed himself.

Over 4 years ago, shortly after John and I got married, we lost John's mother to cancer. She battled for years and years before it finally took her life. Seeing her die and the long road leading up to it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Seeing my new husband lose his mother was one of the hartest things I have ever seen. She wanted to live. She wanted to meet her future grandchildren and live a long and prosperous life. She would have given anything to live. She told me once how when John was in high school she just wanted to see him graduate. Then when she made it to his graduation, she just wanted to make it to his wedding. Then when she made it to his wedding years after his graduation, she just wanted to meet her grandchildren. Two months after we got married, she passed away. She was 52.

I think about my mother in law and how badly she wanted to meet her grandchildren. WHY DIDN'T MY DAD CARE ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW HIS GRANDCHILDREN? He has three young kids, two adult kids, and two beautiful grandboys. Couldn't we have kept him alive? We all loved him so much.

I know people keep telling me that he was in a bad place and he loved all of us and he is in peace now. I guess that brings me to my other thoughts that haunts me--what his final moments were probably like and what he probably looks like now. I know, I know, I can't think about this--but I really can't help it. I need to think about it. I need to disect his brain and his thoughts so I can try to understand what the heck was going on in that busy brain of his.

He was a very brilliant man. He was starting to go back to school for his doctorate. He knew more about things then anyone else I have ever met. And now, that brilliant brain is just wasted.

I am having a really hard time celebrating this time of year. We decorated today and I forced myself to decorate. What is keeping me going is AJ. I need to keep things as normal as possible for him right now. And, I need to celebrate Christmas for HIM. He is everything to me and I must make this right for him.

As you can probably tell, I'm in one of my anger moods. Hopefully I can type some thoughts out in my less angry moods later.

Thank you again for your support. I am surrounded by so many people that love me and my family and I would be nothing without each and every one of you.

An Update

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support and love. It was a sudden loss and we are all incredibly heartbroken. Our faith will get us through this trying time, I know it will.

No plans for the funeral as of yet. My dad lives in Missouri and the plan as of yesterday was to bring him home to PA, where his family is.

This has been a tough year losing my grandfather, my grandmother, and now my dad. Thank you to everyone again.

.....

My dad, AJ's grandfather, died today. I don't want to talk about it and I don't know what to do. This morning I was happy and now...completely the opposite. :(

Something is wrong with my nose!

Well, it's cold and flu season. Last week I had a pretty nasty cold that took out my voice (John had a great time making in fun of me). Now it's starting to hit AJ. He has been a little cranky and not eating much the last few days. Last night he woke up in the middle of the night upset so I went in to see what was wrong. He said, "I need to blow my nose!!". So we blew his nose. But instead of the usual one time blow and the nose is better, his nose was a faucet that wouldn't turn off! AJ was getting increasingly frustrated until he said, "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY NOSE!". I had to laugh and tell him he was getting sick and a runny nose was a normal part of a cold.

The kid has me cracking up all of the time. I love him.

Chicken Parm

My parents are so awesome. I have not been feeling well, so dinner has been a struggle recently for us--and clean eating goes out the window when mommy isn't feeling good. My mom made us her famous Chicken Parm (and even brought us Angel Hair Pasta!) and Jose made the long drive to and from our house yesterday to hand deliver it. All I had to do was pop it in the oven and boil the noodles and by the time John got home from work it was ready!

It was so yummy. John made the comment that he was going to eat the rest of it last night before bed. I made sure to pack AJ and I some of it for lunch today. Luckily, the food put John into a food coma so he fell asleep before he could enjoy himself some more--so there is more to enjoy.

They also brought us over pre-prepared Market Day chicken and broccoli--so dinner is pretty much made already tonight too! Oh, and did I mention that the Mooney-Daniel clan is coming into town this weekend, so that means we will be eating at Mom's pretty much all weekend! Mom's cooking is the best--I could get used to this!

Uncle David's Hospital Stay

****NOTE--if you make it to the end, I PROMISE THAT THERE WILL BE SOME GREAT EMBARRASSING PICTURES!!!!****

***DISCLAIMER: David gave me full permission to post these pictures, what a good sport :)***

Uncle David has had a slew of things happen to him in his lifetime. As his sister, I know this all too well. One time when I was babysitting him (I guess I wasn't doing a good job), he was outside and was playing with a saw. He happened to saw his hand and came running into the house bleeding a ton! He was calm, cool, and collected and I was a basket case trying to reach our parents (this is before cell phones!).

Another time he had some knee pain and upon an Xray scan, they found a NAIL in his knee. I mean who does that happen to? What else...let's see...he has broken just about every bone, even being pushed once in elementary school into a chalk board, breaking his ribs.

On my 21st birthday (yes, David, I'm still talking about this--but at least I had family in town to spend it with!), he had a major surgery to remove a tumor in his brain. Quick side note, after the 16 hour surgery, he woke up and the first thing he said, in a very loopy tone of voice, was "Happy Birthday Niki". Brought tears to my eyes immediately!

Years later, when I was on maternity leave, he had major back surgery requiring him to be on leave from work for weeks and weeks.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, he had shoulder surgery to repair an injury sustained playing old man baseball. THEN the following week, he was hospitalized for 4 days to monitor what they are calling "silent seizures". David is ok, but they were seeing if he would have an incident in the hospital so they would know how to treat it (dont' think that he had one though). SOOO...being his older sister, I get to post the pictures of him in his silly helmet! Of course I HAVE to take the opportunity to make in fun of him. Growing up, I sure did take full advantage of being the older sister. I called him 'retarded' all.of.the.time and of course, the first thing I said to my mom when I had these pictures was, "SEE...I WAS RIGHT!". Sigh, I crack myself up.

David pre-helmet (sorry, pictures are not great--taken on my cell phone with crappy hospital light). This is what he had to wear on his head for 4 days straight, no matter what he was doing!

Now..David WITH the helmet. He was quite a rebel and refused to wear this (except for pictures). The nurse said that if he got out of bed, he HAD to wear it. The reason was because they have patients that have severe seizures, and if he got up to go to the bathroom and had one, he could really hurt himself. Since David's are 'silent', he really isn't in any danger for this...so he refused. Finally he got the doctor to tell the nurses to get off of his case. Anyway, enjoy the photo!

Notice how he has a sling for his shoulder? That was because he was still recovering from surgery when he was in the hospital!

David, my little glassman brother--no matter how much we would hurt each other or say mean things (YOU'RE--YOU'RE---YOUUUU'RRREE UUUGGLLYY!), we always were there for each other. I am so glad that we are so close and that Roman and AJ are so close. I love you and hope that you get better soon!