Today is my first day back at work...and I survived the morning getting two kids out of the house. Well, I got AJ ready, but John took him to school (luckily). I even managed to get up at 5:30 for an early morning workout. It's very bittersweet for me. I do enjoy having a career, but I really want to be home with my boys. This will be good for all of us, I'm sure. I have no fantasies that it is going to be easy. I have a big weakness though, I want/need to do everything perfectly. I have what you call OCD and a controlling nature. I don't deal well with others (aka John) doing things because I feel like I do it best. It's a really bad disorder that causes me stress. The reality is that you CAN'T DO IT ALL. I just hope that I do a decent job at it all. As long as I keep in mind what the priorities are, I should be ok. Kids first, job second, healthy meals third. Laundry and house cleaning will have to be a distant forth for now.
I am feeling really sick to my stomach today. I hate leaving my smiling little baby boy. I hate leaving AJ too, but I know he will be ok at school--and I know he enjoys it. He can also speak, Jacob can not. I know we choose the right place for him, but I just wish I could be with him! I miss him.
Oh, and I forgot how much PUMPING and WORKING SUCK. My first work pump session, and someone is knocking on my door. I have my own office and happen to have no windows to the office on my door, so I'm lucky...but I also have no lock. HR is working on adding one luckily!
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