Jacob's birth story part III

I left off last time with John leaving the house at 5. At this point, my contractions were totally manageable. But, this is also the time when things get blury. The following is how I remember it, but I might need some help from my mom, John, and doula Tara on the details.

I remember after John left my brother helping me breath through contractions. We were timing them on my contraction timer on my iPad. They were 3-5 minutes apart and about a minute long. Looking back I see how I didn't really have it together at this point. I was going from activity to activity, thinking about ordering food (I was hungry!) for everyone and packing my hospital bag. I called my doula, Tara, and told her they were the real deal and I would be needing her soon. At 5:20 they started to be every 2-5 minutes apart, but were 2 minutes long. Sometimes I felt like I didn't have a break (which I didn't!). Around this time, John called to check in and I told him he had to come home. He didn't believe me, but hopped in the car and came home, cancelling his appointment. At 5:30, I wanted to get in the bath. At this point, it becomes REALLY hazy. I remember feeling soothed when I looked into my mom's eyes for some reason. ***TMI ALERT FROM HERE ON OUT!***

While in the bath, I felt like I had to go #2 and started to feel sick. I kept saying I couldn't do it anymore and forgetting to breath. Looking back, I was in trasition. I remember my mom talking to my doula, who said she would be there in 15 minutes. I remember feeling the urge to push, but being told not to. I did anyway sometimes. It felt good to have some amount of relief when I pushed. If I let my body take over, I felt in control. When I 'held it in' I felt so out of my mind. I kept thinking, I can't do this anymore. I told myself, I'm probably only at 4 cm (and needed to get to 10), so if this is how it's going to be, then I'm not going to be able to handle it!

...To be continued again, being called for :).